To those of you who are survivors of abuse, did your abuser
ever use an animal that you loved to intimidate or control you? The
reason I ask is because the more I share or talk about my abuse, the more
memories that I've since forgotten suddenly come to mind. You see, for so
long, my normal was a skewed view of what other people may consider
normal. Looking back, how my abuser used my cat against me wasn't a
"normal" behavior. I’m very curious if others have had a
similar experience, and if that's a common thing for abusers to do to their
victim?
When I was 4 years old, my mom had given me a kitten from
the pound that I named Gladys (I really have no idea where I came up with that
name). She was my cat. During all the years I endured the late-night
sexual abuse by my stepmonster, my cat would stay by my side the entire time -
she would never leave even when he tried to make her leave. This is
heartbreaking to talk about for me even now, but I would hold her tiny paw in
my hand and just focus on her and try so very hard to pretend that nothing was
happening to me. She was always of great comfort my entire childhood as
you would expect. I felt as though she was an angel ministering to me
during my darkest hours and a watcher over me. The connection I had with
this animal was more than I can even put to words.
I believe now that my abuser knew the connection I had with
this animal and would use my cat as leverage to control or intimidate me -
giving me the message that he could also harm her if I wasn't a good girl to
him. He would throw her on the roof all the time. I would cry and
beg him not to, but he would just laugh at me. He also would kick at her,
throw and/or slap her hard off of things she was laying or sitting on.
And more disturbing to me as a little girl was when he would also grab her and
act like he was choking her - there were times it sounded as though he was
really hurting her.
Sadly, Gladys died the summer I turned 16. I had her
the entire duration of my abuse. She died from feline leukemia (as things
went for me, this was the same year they came out with the vaccine –
naturally). Interestingly, it would seem that after my stepmonster was
pulled from my house and made to leave, she was relieved of her duty to watch
over me and was freed - she died shortly after. I find cats very
comforting to this day. Those of you who don't like cats, maybe you can
better relate to a dog or some other thing, but I think any animal you are
close to can give you a sense of comfort. Animals have that gift it would
seem…
