My Best Friend & Hero Passed Away...

Carrie Poston changed my life.  My childhood/adult best friend, Carrie Poston, I owe so much to. It is because of her courage that the childhood sex abuse I endured for many, many years finally stopped.  Her parents Gary and Charlene Poston listened and believed her when she couldn't take it any more!  In so many ways, her legacy will live on through me, my story, and the organization I created.  She was that spark of hope in my life that forever changed my future.  My words reiterated below – my hero – tragically gone too soon…

Today we celebrate her life at her memorial...

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June 15, 2012

There are no words to describe my heartache this evening.  My childhood friend of many years passed away today.  We had gone through so much friendship, love and heartache.  Though her choices broke us apart and much like her family I had to choose the road of "tough love" with her.  It doesn't make it feel any better.  Six and a half years ago I had to turn her away because of her drug addiction.  I told her that what she was doing to me was not healthy and that I couldn't give her any more money - this cycle had gone on for quite a few years.  She would come to the house and ask for money to feed her addiction.  I had to stop enabling and I told her not to come back until she was clean.  I never saw her again, but twice on the streets of downtown Portland, driving to or from work.  It was heartbreaking for me to see her in that way - much by her choice er parents recently told me.  I carry great guilt always questioning if I'd done enough.  You see, something happened to her too - she was raped when she was 19.  She didn't handle it well and turned to drugs and alcohol.  I tried to stop her, but I didn't really know the entire story of how much she was using drugs because she hid it from me and hid it very well.  There were many time periods in our lives where she seemed fine and was coping well.  It wasn't really until our late 20s and early 30s that I figured out she was doing more than the small stuff.  She became a slave to some nasty drugs that you can get hooked on for a lifetime the very firs time you try it.  I never, ever thought I'd see her in this way.  I'm so saddened by this and hurt that she chose that road. 

There are so many good memories I dwell on now because the memories of hurt are so small compared to the joyous ones.  It's not every day you run into real life heroes.  Well, I had one as a best friend.  I will forever remember her bravery and her courage.  She stood up to a monster and said "NO - not one more day will I allow my friend to be abused!"  She had the courage that I could never find.  She saved me from a 12-year hell and told my secret.  I learned this accidentally one day.  She mentioned it in a casual conversation when I was in my early 30s.  For most of my life, I had never known it was her.  She said that she kept it from me because she thought I'd be mad that she betrayed my trust.  All I could do was jump up and give her a joyous hug and I sat there in shock.  

Carrie, I only wish that I could have saved you from your addiction and pain - saved you the way that you did for me.  I'm so sorry... 

I loved your laugh - it was contagious, and your beautiful smile - it lite up a room.  I loved your warm hugs and your notes you'd leave in places around the house that only I would find.  May you finally rest in peace and in our lord's arms, my friend.  I will see you again one day, but until then, give my momma, grandma and all my other loved ones a hug for me.